If I had a dollar for the amount of times I have had to say that exact sentence, I would have been able to pay off all my tuition in a year. Sadly, it's kind of the opposite since I have to clarify with "No, I'm not upset." or "I'm not mad at you." before people think I hate them. I've also heard the "Oh, it's just because your nose goes slightly up" Yeah, because that's going to make me feel better as a thirteen year old girl after watching America's Next Top Model. Over the nearly twenty years of my life, I still don't really know what this supposed face looks like and I never notice when I'm doing it.
What does this have to do with India?
The first time I thought of this was when we were taking one of the million (literally) pictures that Dr. K had initiated when the tour guide pointed out that we all have "picture taking smiles" unlike Indians who are always so serious in pictures.
I noticed it at the SOS Children's village when the children would ask for a picture and want to see my camera but then run away laughing because they were "too afraid" to take a picture.
I noticed it on the quite moments when riding a bus or rickshaw or walking to class in a sea of unfamiliar faces who stare back with such serious disposition and dark eyes, while others look with curiosity and surprise to see a white girl in their developmental economics class. Out of self-preservation and a lack of comfort in such chaos, (because everything about traveling in India is chaotic.) I think I finally figured out "the face" and why it definitely wasn't doing any good in India.
The best answer to that: Smiling. (Cue, "Smiling is my favorite from Elf.")
I sat against a bus window looking out while we were stuck in traffic for what seemed like four hours and looked out where I met the eyes of a girl who looked about my age (Although a lot of times I can't tell, sometimes Indians look way younger than they actually are.) We stared at each other for about ten seconds as I tried to come up with ways to tactfully avoid her curious glances.
Then it occurred to me. I may be the only white, American girl she sees in her entire life. Who am I to say we have nothing in common or decide that I am too uncomfortable and must avert her curious looks. Why do I, of all people, have the authority to decide that this is the impression she should have of Americans. First impressions speak volumes. Why do we give such harsh an menacing looks?
In those ten seconds, I decided to smile.
Do you know what happened? She smiled back.
I felt better about the fact that everything was a little scary and new. I felt better about the fact that despite the fact that we had one of the most difficult NGO field trips of the trip, which resulted in me crying in public, (and in front of my professor, awesome.) there are still things to smile about.
I was reminded of this verse:
"I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile." - Job 9:27
It's cliche, but like nearly all cliches and sayings it certainly rings true.
India is challenging and changing me in some of the best ways possible. It's in the little things like having grace for my roommates when they are working long hours into the nights, letting a friend sit on my bed during bible study, despite the fact that I used to flip out if anyone touched my bed at home, or sharing clothes when another forgot something or they're laundry didn't come back on time. It's learning to bite my tongue when the only boy on the trip with us continues talking after a six hour long trip, when the rest of us girls are tired and ready to fall asleep on the "45 minute" long bus ride home. It's learning to let go of my expectations and schedules and remember that "Indian time" is no where near as exact as I would like it to be. It's learning to go with the flow and smile. :)
(After writing this post, I promise I will accept a gentle reminder of this the next time anyone sees me give someone a look :) )
P.S. We're leaving in about two hours for a 36 hour train ride to Delhi. I'm still unsure about the living arrangements once we're there, so again, internet and blog posts may be sporadic.)
With Love,
Kaitlyn
What does this have to do with India?
The first time I thought of this was when we were taking one of the million (literally) pictures that Dr. K had initiated when the tour guide pointed out that we all have "picture taking smiles" unlike Indians who are always so serious in pictures.
I noticed it at the SOS Children's village when the children would ask for a picture and want to see my camera but then run away laughing because they were "too afraid" to take a picture.
I noticed it on the quite moments when riding a bus or rickshaw or walking to class in a sea of unfamiliar faces who stare back with such serious disposition and dark eyes, while others look with curiosity and surprise to see a white girl in their developmental economics class. Out of self-preservation and a lack of comfort in such chaos, (because everything about traveling in India is chaotic.) I think I finally figured out "the face" and why it definitely wasn't doing any good in India.
The best answer to that: Smiling. (Cue, "Smiling is my favorite from Elf.")
I sat against a bus window looking out while we were stuck in traffic for what seemed like four hours and looked out where I met the eyes of a girl who looked about my age (Although a lot of times I can't tell, sometimes Indians look way younger than they actually are.) We stared at each other for about ten seconds as I tried to come up with ways to tactfully avoid her curious glances.
Then it occurred to me. I may be the only white, American girl she sees in her entire life. Who am I to say we have nothing in common or decide that I am too uncomfortable and must avert her curious looks. Why do I, of all people, have the authority to decide that this is the impression she should have of Americans. First impressions speak volumes. Why do we give such harsh an menacing looks?
In those ten seconds, I decided to smile.
Do you know what happened? She smiled back.
I felt better about the fact that everything was a little scary and new. I felt better about the fact that despite the fact that we had one of the most difficult NGO field trips of the trip, which resulted in me crying in public, (and in front of my professor, awesome.) there are still things to smile about.
I was reminded of this verse:
"I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile." - Job 9:27
It's cliche, but like nearly all cliches and sayings it certainly rings true.
India is challenging and changing me in some of the best ways possible. It's in the little things like having grace for my roommates when they are working long hours into the nights, letting a friend sit on my bed during bible study, despite the fact that I used to flip out if anyone touched my bed at home, or sharing clothes when another forgot something or they're laundry didn't come back on time. It's learning to bite my tongue when the only boy on the trip with us continues talking after a six hour long trip, when the rest of us girls are tired and ready to fall asleep on the "45 minute" long bus ride home. It's learning to let go of my expectations and schedules and remember that "Indian time" is no where near as exact as I would like it to be. It's learning to go with the flow and smile. :)
(After writing this post, I promise I will accept a gentle reminder of this the next time anyone sees me give someone a look :) )
P.S. We're leaving in about two hours for a 36 hour train ride to Delhi. I'm still unsure about the living arrangements once we're there, so again, internet and blog posts may be sporadic.)
With Love,
Kaitlyn
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