The first time I was ever published.

5 procrastination-proof programs for studying | USA TODAY College

This isn't what I usually blog about, but my first real story was published in USA Today, so it would be awesome if you checked it out!

A Good Word.

It's no secret that I absolutely love the church I go to here in Gainesville. A huge part of that love is due to the fact that it's so missions oriented, giving 50 percent of its income to missions around the world. This past Sunday, we had the chance to hear from missionary Sam, a missionary First Assembly of Gainesville supports in India where he rescues children from human trafficking. India and human trafficking, two things that are incredibly closed to my heart.

The Lord never ceases to amaze me with how he provides when his people step out in faith. This past weekend, $125,000 dollars was raised towards this ministry.

http://michaelpatz.com/2012/10/16/fathers-heart-human-trafficking/

I wanted to share Pastor Mike's thoughts from this past weekend, because I really feel like they reiterate what the body here is feeling. Enjoy! (If you get the chance, listen to last weeks sermon online too!)

Wi-Fi Passwords and Krishna Lunches

          I still have the tiny slip of paper on which the Wi-Fi password to the second hostel where we stayed in Delhi is written. It's tucked away in my laptop sleeve and occasionally, when I pull out my computer in class to take notes or to finish homework, it falls out too. I notice the meticulous handwriting of each number, even though it's now pretty folded and crumbled up. There's nothing particularly special about it either. Just a series of numbers written ever so carefully by the hand of the Indian man who quietly worked at the front desk and would timidly smile at each American as they bounced through the lobby each morning. It's a useless password. I don't have it memorized and I doubt that I'll ever be in that same hostel in the near future, but time after time, I reach to find a crumpled up sheet of paper in my bag.It's comforting and the ink on the page is a connection to the country that holds my heart.

         One of my dear sorority sisters has a huge heart for the country of Uganda. The other day, she told me something that really resonated with me. She said after she came home from Uganda, she realized how personal and deep our relationship with God is. She was reminded that her heart was created to love the people of Uganda, and they were created in the image of God for such a time as this, and she to live in communion with them, even when they were all simply going about their daily lives thousands of miles away. This is how I feel about India.

         Every day, I am reminded of what I've learned there. From walking to class and hearing Indian students speak in their native tongues, to passing by Krishna lunch in Plaza of the Americas everyday,  (Though I still don't think my stomach can handle anything that resembles Indian food.) to a Bollywood song randomly coming up on my ipod, I am reminded of the beautiful, complex and at times confusing culture of India.

To make a long story short, I miss India. Each day, with each small reminded I'm given of India, I'm reminded to keep an eternal perspective. This is a verse in Deuteronomy that I read this morning. It reminded me so much about India, especially since for the month of October, that's the country I'm praying for. Regardless of the country I'm in, it was such a good reminder that I was not made for this world, but each place I go I am called there for a purpose; to bring the kingdom a little closer each day.

"makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.

You must treat foreigners with the same loving care—

remember, you were once foreigners in Egypt.

Reverently respect God, your God, serve him, hold tight to him,

back up your promises with the authority of his name.

He’s your praise! He’s your God!

He did all these tremendous, these staggering things

that you saw with your own eyes." Deuteronomy 10:18-21

        

Eyes on Eternity: Perspective, Part 1

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis always seemed to have a good word of wisdom, and this is probably one of my favorite quotes from him.
I was constantly reminded when I was in India, how we're not meant for here, we're meant for our father's heavenly kingdom for eternity. India gave me a new perspective on things that I am constantly thinking about every day. Today, I came across Pastor Mike's (From the church I go to here in Gainesville, First Assembly) blog post on this same topic, that everyone should definitely check out.
It's good Monday morning encouragement.
Poor Shamu

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Home is where the heart is.

    I seriously failed at updating this once I got back in the United States. I have, in fact, made it home safe and sound and have already finished one week of classes back in Gainesville.

    I arrived back in the United States around 1 a.m. on August 11th and in the comfort of my pillow-top memory foam bed at 3:30. (seriously, Indian beds are the hardest things in the world, although they told us Americans that they find our soft beds equally uncomfortable.) So far I have unpacked, repacked, worked my last two days at summer camp, baby-sat and visited friends and family before I headed back to school, along with tons of reflecting, processing and thinking.

    Of course, the first question that everyone asks is "how was it?!" I never thought that that simple question could ever be something so difficult to answer. I don't think one word could ever do this experience justice and as time moves on, I feel like my answer will continue to evolve. It's easy to say it was a "good" trip or "trip of a lifetime" type cliche answers peppered with stories of animals in the streets, casual exchanges about the food, culture and weather, and the occasional joke of how Americans don't have the leg muscles to use Indian toilets, but these surface stories and impressions could never do a country as complex and incredible as India justice.
    There are sights, sounds and experiences that you just have to experience first hand to describe. How does a simple one-word answer describe a huge country of one billion people? Or the vulnerability I felt as a minority for the first time? How do I replicate the feeling of constantly being stared at or having your picture taken where ever I went? How do I articulate the questioning of all that I have ever known, and my own purpose in the world, or whether I was just another idealistic college student?
   One thing that India did was make me feel small. Obviously, when you enter a country full of a sixth of the world's population, you are going to feel tiny, miniscule, and utterly unimportant and vulnerable. That feeling only lasts a week though. I soon found that it was liberating. That feeling of "smallness" meant that I didn't have to do it all, (Or, I guess it reaffirmed my previous blog posts.) That I was free to discover and make mistakes. It showed me that eternity is so much bigger than I could ever wrap my weak mind around.

   For now, I guess it's safe to say that the trip was good. It was nothing that I could ever plan for or expect, and it's still difficult to articulate all my experiences as I'm still reflecting and learning exactly what the trip taught me. It's definitely safe to say that I fell in love with India and have a serious case of wanderlust, so please be patient with me and give me grace if I can't give perfectly clear and concise answers to your questions, but I promise answers will come soon enough. 

Home (Indian style)

               No, I'm not back in the United States yet, but after visiting north India, (Delhi and Rajasthan) experiencing the world's largest power outage, riding a camel and an elephant, some bouts of E.Coli and crazy allergic reactions and an ear infection, we're back in what we consider our Indian home at the MCC campus in Chennai.

For the time that we lost power/didn't have internet access, here's what you missed.

Most days we would have to get up around 6:30-7:00 to be ready for breakfast at 8. (pretty rough for some college students)

Following that, we would either have a 3 hour class session, or a day long visit to local NGOs or guest lectures.

Usually we got home around 8, and had dinner at 9 (Again, that took some adjusting), had a debrief session about the day, then went to bed. We also had a few free days in Jaipur and Delhi, so I got to explore, see India up close and personal as well as visit the Taj Mahal and complete my childhood dream of riding an elephant.
I've learned so much on this trip, both academically and about myself. I've seen things I can never unsee and have learned things I can never unknow. It's been a trip of a life time, so please bear with me as I use this as an outlet to process everything.

                                                                 With Love,
                                                                    Kaitlyn

                   

Cross-Cultural Mishaps #2

            So far we've spent only three days in Delhi, but it has been nothing less than uneventful.

The train ride we quite the adventure. As someone who likes her space and values cleanliness far more than many people, being squished into that tiny compartment was tough, along with the Indian style bathrooms and unusable water.
            Of course, over 36 hours there was bound to be some confusion and moments of mishap as fifteen Americans were shoved  into basic Indian modes of transportation without too much warning or prep.
 To give you a taste of what it looked like, here are some pictures:

This is how many of us were in one compartment. Those lovely shirts were so we don't get lost. You know, because we don't stick out enough in an Indian train station.

This was my bed on the top bunk of our compartment

         
         The first accidental mishap came within the first hour of the train ride, when I tried to change into my pajamas, completely unaware of the fact that there was a wide enough gap to give the men in the next compartment a full view...oops. Let's just say that in India, the most conservative western undergarments could be considered very risque. My mantra for this trip has now become, "At least I'll probably never see these people again." for whenever I accidentally do something embarrassing.
      Once we realized the train was nothing like Harry Potter, much to our dismay, we decided to go exploring. Over the 36 hours we were able to venture through almost the entire train, from our comfortable a/c cars with beds to the very back of the train filled with people and with bars over the windows. We encountered beggars on the train, all kinds of tea and food being served, open doors to the tracks below us, and many confused stares as we wandered about, and finally even more confused looks as we piled 17 people into 1 compartment for a lecture.
     Once we were in Delhi, the real fun began. So far, in our hostel, we have discovered kittens (ew, ew, ew.) and rats. (I know, even better.) We also found out, that the guards and men that work in the hostel now think us American girls are huge wimps (which I guess is true) and can reach octaves when we scream that are so high, only dogs can hear them.
It all started when I was downstairs doing homework, when I heard doors slamming and Katrina screaming "STACY! STACY! STACY!" as she tried to get her out of the shower. The first thought in my head was "Oh my gosh, someone just broke in and is going to traffick us." So I did the sensible thing, and ran upstairs to see what the problem was. It turns out, that there was quite a large rat making its home in Katrina's suitcase. The slamming doors was due to the fact that out of self-defense, Katrina accidentally locked Stacy in the room with said rat. Let the screaming and shrills commence. Once we were all able to calm down, We were able to get Dr. K and a guard.
We then had another valuable life lesson. Those Indians don't mess around when it comes to rodents. Rather than the expected rat trap, there was a lot of stomping and a large stick. The rat put up a fight, biting Dr. K, but in the end, met it's ultimate demise and had to be swept down the stairs.

       Other than that bit of adventure, we've gotten to see some of Delhi's best sites, did some serious shopping, visited an NGO, was stared at a lot, had my picture taken a million times, with only half of those times by someone I actually knew and finally, ate 6 chicken nuggets and a chocolate chip cookie. Hooray for American food! (I do love Indian food, but Indian food 24/7 is rough.)

All in all, India has been great adventure and I'm just a little over half-way through.

"India, like life, is what you make of it." - The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

                                                              XOXO,
                                                              Kaitlyn

Planes, Trains and Autorickshaws

Those have been my main modes of transportation to and around India. I'm happy to say that after 36 hours and two nights on a train. I survived while successfully suppressing any panic attacks, and anxious tendencies. It was certainly an adventure.
Now we're catching up on rest and showers at our newly renovated and fairly modern hostel in Delhi, that at one point was used as the equivalent to the Olympic Village for the Asian games. (Basically, the Asian Olympics that are held every 3 years.)

We're hear until July 30th, heading to Jaipur for five days, then flying back to Chennai for the final few days.

It's definitely been an incredible journey.

                                                          XOXO,
                                                          Kaitlyn

"Sorry, That's just my face"

              If I had a dollar for the amount of times I have had to say that exact sentence, I would have been able to pay off all my tuition in a year. Sadly, it's kind of the opposite since I have to clarify with "No, I'm not upset." or "I'm not mad at you." before people think I hate them. I've also heard the "Oh, it's just because your nose goes slightly up" Yeah, because that's going to make me feel better as a thirteen year old girl after watching America's Next Top Model.  Over the nearly twenty years of my life, I still don't really know what this supposed face looks like and I never notice when I'm doing it.

What does this have to do with India?

             The first time I thought of this was when we were taking one of the million (literally) pictures that Dr. K had initiated when the tour guide pointed out that we all have "picture taking smiles" unlike Indians who are always so serious in pictures.
I noticed it at the SOS Children's village when the children would ask for a picture and want to see my camera but then run away laughing because they were "too afraid" to take a picture.
I noticed it on the quite moments when riding a bus or rickshaw or walking to class in a sea of unfamiliar faces who stare back with such serious disposition and dark eyes, while others look with curiosity and surprise to see a white girl in their developmental economics class. Out of self-preservation and a lack of comfort in such chaos, (because everything about traveling in India is chaotic.) I think I finally figured out "the face" and why it definitely wasn't doing any good in India.

The best answer to that: Smiling. (Cue, "Smiling is my favorite from Elf.")

              I sat against a bus window looking out while we were stuck in traffic for what seemed like four hours and looked out where I met the eyes of a girl who looked about my age (Although a lot of times I can't tell, sometimes Indians look way younger than they actually are.) We stared at each other for about ten seconds as I tried to come up with ways to tactfully avoid her curious glances.
Then it occurred to me. I may be the only white, American girl she sees in her entire life. Who am I to say we have nothing in common or decide that I am too uncomfortable and must avert her curious looks. Why do I, of all people, have the authority to decide that this is the impression she should have of Americans. First impressions speak volumes. Why do we give such harsh an menacing looks?
In those ten seconds, I decided to smile.
Do you know what happened? She smiled back.
I felt better about the fact that everything was a little scary and new. I felt better about the fact that despite the fact that we had one of the most difficult NGO field trips of the trip, which resulted in me crying in public, (and in front of my professor, awesome.) there are still things to smile about.
I was reminded of this verse:

"I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile." - Job 9:27

It's cliche, but like nearly all cliches and sayings it certainly rings true.
      
       India is challenging and changing me in some of the best ways possible. It's in the little things like having grace for my roommates when they are working long hours into the nights, letting a friend sit on my bed during bible study, despite the fact that I used to flip out if anyone touched my bed at home, or sharing clothes when another forgot something or they're laundry didn't come back on time. It's learning to bite my tongue when the only boy on the trip with us continues talking after a six hour long trip, when the rest of us girls are tired and ready to fall asleep on the "45 minute" long bus ride home. It's learning to let go of my expectations and schedules and remember that "Indian time" is no where near as exact as I would like it to be. It's learning to go with the flow and smile. :)

(After writing this post, I promise I will accept a gentle reminder of this the next time anyone sees me give someone a look :) )

P.S. We're leaving in about two hours for a 36 hour train ride to Delhi. I'm still unsure about the living arrangements once we're there, so again, internet and blog posts may be sporadic.)

                                                              
                                                                With Love,
                                                                 Kaitlyn

Picture?

Overlooking Chennai from St. Thomas Mount

Our first Auto Rickshaw ride!

Playing with some of the kids at SOS Children's Village

A beautiful temple we visited

Participating in a Hindu baby shower

Receiving our honorary shawls at SBS

ATVing on the Beach!

The fishing boat we rode in, and got soaked

Aside from staring, we get a lot of Indians trying to be sneaky with the camera. Sometimes they ask, but most of the time, they just snap away. When Dr. K tries to assemble us all to get a "money shot" as he calls it, we tend to attract a pretty big crowd with far more cameras then we intended. So, I thought I would share some of my own from Chennai and this past weekend on Ideal Beach.

This one time, in India...

I feel like all good stories start with "One time..." I also promised I would chronicle all my cross-cultural mishaps with this blog.

Ergo, number one of many that I'm sure to have in India.

Here's some necessary background info:

We've been meeting with tons of professors, community leaders, NGO founders and employees and government officials. Today, Dr. K informed us that we would be meeting the speaker of the house for Tamil Nadu. In India, the state government alone is huge and welds a lot of power, unlike the United States. This would have been a completely rare and exciting opportunity and then the Americans got a little confused.

First, we were invited into his bungalow where we received welcome shawls, as per south Indian tradition and welcoming statements and introductions were made. Completely normal since it was the usual custom for all our Indian events. 
Soon, we found ourselves facing the giant TV in the room, (which was pretty cramped with all 15 of us, plus government officials and the help) bombarded with news clippings of the speaker of the house as he recorded us sitting there watching TV.
We then proceeded to re-watch said recorded video onto a projector.

So this is what it looked like; 15 tired American college students, uncomfortably crammed into a room watching with confused looks on our faces, a video of ourselves, still doing the exact same thing, just five minutes prior, as tea, coke and cookies were constantly handed to us.

Once he answered a few questions and told us a few more strange stories, we clapped (side note: I'm pretty sure Indians think Americans clap for everything because that's what we would do to fill awkward silences during lectures...turns out clapping doesn't mean something is finished, it means keep going. Oops, only took us a week to figure that out.) and stood up thinking it was time to leave.
All of the sudden, we were ushered into his office, an even smaller room, where we watched more of his videos.

This is where it gets really strange. Since none of us speak Hindi or Tamil we couldn't understand anything in the Bollywood style videos he was showing us, all while we sat in his office, which was covered in far larger than normal portraits of himself.
We later learned that it wasn't a Bollywood movie, but rather propaganda-like campaign commercials with terrible super imposed graphics and effects in Tamil. Very North-Korea style. The self-portraits were just an  added bonus.
We were awkwardly forced to eat more cookies, drink more chai and were encouraged to continue clapping until we were able to finally find an excuse to leave.

The entire time we were afraid to laugh or make a peep, thinking we would offend someone. Instead when we got back on the bus, Dr. K burst out into the most ridiculous giggle fit and yelled. "I don't know about you, but that guy was a freaking nutjob!"

I can't tell you a single thing about the local government structure in Tamil Nadu. But after today I can tell you:

1. Clapping does not mean the same thing in India.
2. All older people get really excited when they figure out technology.
3. You should probably gather some background information before you watch something in Tamil or Hindi.
Finally: I am, by nature, prone to awkward situations. I apologize if this affects anyone reading in the future.

                                                         - Kaitlyn

Chaos and Consistency.

If I'm being honest, I haven't blogged as much because the first few days in India were difficult. Really difficult.  I struggled. Like I said before, I didn't want to have any expectations for the trip, because I knew there really wasn't anyway to prepare for what I was going to experience. It was a huge culture shock.

Landing in the airport was overwhelming. All I heard was Tamil and nothing about a single word I heard or a sign I saw was recognizable or the least bit familiar.

My blonde hair and light skin covered in my western clothes stood out in the sea of colorful saris as I tried to deflect the curious stares that I couldn't handle at 4 in the morning.

Nothing was familiar and I was scared. I wanted to go home.

Did I make a huge mistake? Why did I say that I didn't "need" to study in Europe. What made me think I could handle myself here? Why in the heck did the wasp-y college girl from the U.S. think she could do it? What in the world (pun intended) was I trying to prove?

Luckily, despite the whole British-airways-trying-to-screw-me-over-oh-my-gosh-I'm-having-a-life-crisis-in-a-period-of-five-seconds-I'm-scared-how-do-I-properly-communicate-without-getting-arrested debacle, I was able to find the other students on my flight, get through customs and get our bags (with only one missing, that later arrived) fairly easily.

Once I caught up on sleep and adjusted to the culture shock though, I began to see India for what it really is.

There's no way to truly describe India that could really do it justice. I'm sure over the next four weeks I'll be seeing and doing things I would have never expected.

There's nothing familiar about it, but occasionally, I find little glimpses of comfort that I recognize and hold on to throughout the entire day. It's beautiful and heart-breaking, ancient, dirty, and happy. It's so much more complex than I could ever explain. It would probably take way too long to really explain everything I've experienced and am experiencing. I'm still processing and trying to understand. So allow me some grace in using this blog to figure out what India is to me.

I'm still not sure what my purpose here is, but everyday I'm seeing a glimpse of the eternal kingdom and a reminder that I'm right where I'm supposed to be for the time being.

I'm learning and really loving it here. It's changing my perspective to see so much of the world through the eternal perspective of mercy, compassion and grace.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:12-13


                                                           With Love,

                                                             Kaitlyn

Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Yesterday I ate a meal off a banana leaf without any silverware, signed a bunch of "autographs", was an honored guest at an Indian school  and to top it all off, was on a national Indian news program. The hospitality in India has been overwhelming and visiting Sethu Bhaskara school was no different.

Definitely things that can be crossed off my unexpected bucket list.

I couldn't stop smiling the entire day because the look on every child's face was pure elation and SBS was a prime example of vision and purpose at work. I've come to the conclusion that at least in south India, if you're white, because it's so uncommon in a non-tourist city like Chennai, Indians bend over backwards for you. It's incredibly endearing and I'm immeasurably appreciative of it, because as college students we don't deserve it in the slightest.

It's difficult for me to really capture everything that's happened over the past seven days, but my friend Stacy wrote a great post about yesterday's events:
No Autographs Please

The Bucket List

      I have an ongoing unofficial bucket list going on in my head. Mostly, it's cool things I want to do or try or things that I decide are bucket-list worthy once I've already done them or am in the midst of doing them. Some of them include, Eating fish and chips in a pub in the UK. (CHECK!) eating a macroon from Laduree in Paris, going to India (CHECK!), learning to paddle board, and snorkeling off the coast of Africa and other various travel activities. I feel like at some point I should actually write them down  and make an official bucket list, especially because I love lists so much, but after today, I think this is one that can definitely be crossed off my unofficial bucket list so far: Riding an auto rickshaw through Indian traffic.


This is what an auto rickshaw looks like:

And this is what the Indian traffic looked like today. For example, it took us 2 hours to drive 20 miles:  

      
(Hopefully, I'll be able to upload the video from today's adventures, but the internet here is a little spotty.)

                                                                  XOXO,

                                                                 Kaitlyn

Update!

Arrived at the Madras Christian College Campus in India, safe and sound and with all my bags!

Farewell, Again.

Just a quick update on my time in London before I head to India tomorrow!

"By seeing London, I have seen as much of life as the world can show."

Tonight is my last night in London, then I'm off to Chennai tomorrow afternoon! It's a ten hour flight and I'll be landing at 3:30 am India time, so there will definitely be some jet-lag. Luckily, there are a few other students that will be arriving in London from Miami en route to Chennai, so we'll all be on the same flight.

I absolutely loved London, and definitely want to come back some day. Everything here is beautiful and I don't even mind the weather! I loved the city, the history, the busy-ness, the people, the accents, the culture and the fashion. Seriously, everyone here is so trendy, I love it. I could sit in Covent Gardens and people all day long. More on that later, because I am OBSESSED with the clothes here. Wicked was also INCREDIBLE. Hands down probably my favorite show I've seen. I had chills and can't stop singing the songs. Everyone should see it.

I'm so immeasurably thankful for these opportunities and the fantastic hospitality of my aunt, uncle and cousins. They went above and beyond to make sure I had a great time and are seriously the best.

Now the adventure really begins and I can't wait! Hopefully I'll be able to update once I'm settled at MCC.

For now, here's some pictures from my hop across the pond.

                                                                  With Love,

                                                                     Kaitlyn

London!

I've safely arrived at my Aunt and Uncle's house in London with 2 of my cousins! (In case anyone was really that concerned.)

Yesterday was my first jet-lagged day and we went to lunch at a cute Italian restaurant in Weybridge they walked around a little and hung out at home.

Today we're sight-seeing around London then seeing Wicked tonight! I'm so excited!

                                                  XOXO,
                                                  Kaitlyn

Across the Pond!

Today is my last full day in the United States, and of course, I procrastinated and am still finishing up my last pre-trip homework assignment. By Friday, I'll be headed to this place until Tuesday to visit my wonderful, hospitable and international aunt, uncle and cousins.

 

   Then Tuesday, I'm off to India! I'll leave you with some pictures that make me so excited to see in real life once I get there. Hopefully, I'll be able to find time and an internet connection to share all my experiences once I'm there.

                                                                      With Love,
                                                                        Kaitlyn

I'm not as smart and/or as creative as this really awesome blog post.

There's a blog by a girl named Heather Summers that is absolutely amazing. I probably sound like a huge creep because I don't even remember how I found her blog but she has some serious truth and she's freaking hilarious. She posted this post a few days ago that I had to share because it's something that I seriously believe in and find both convicting and encouraging :)

How Do We Get Back To Being The Body Of Christ?

Grace and Brothels

We all need the same grace. I said in my last post that I lack humility. I have sins and make mistakes that I have deemed "acceptable". I live in the U.S. and do what I'm supposed to do so I must be a good Christian. God must be really relieved that he doesn't have to give me as much grace. The nails probably didn't hurt as hard for me as they did for other people. NO. We all need the same grace and redemption. Jesus didn't have to die more for someone else than my sin. Every sin and mistake I make or have to make is a crushing blow, another lash of the whip, another nail in the hand. But it gets better. I've been learning so much about grace this past year, how much I need it, how much we all need it and how much I need to give it to others. To live a life marked by the grace, forgiveness and redemption of an extraordinary God.

I was reminded of this in a conversation I had a little over a month ago.

A few friends and I were discussing India and Hinduism came up. As we talked about how devout the followers were and how they would give everything for their religion. In passing someone commented "Yeah, they're so devout then they sell their own little girls."
The conversation continued but that single sentence stuck with me. What desperation must these people be in that the only option they see is to traffick another person, their own children?
Yes, I realize this example is pretty extreme.
But it's so easy to judge and compare.
But I don't know their situation.
I don't know that desperation. I have lived in such comfort my entire life.
That you can only get something to eat by selling your son into bonded labor or a daughter into a brothel.
Yes. It makes me so incredibly angry. But I know God sees their plights and their pain. He has compassion. He's a good dad. He's a God of justice that I can't comprehend. This doesn't mean that people will be punished, but rather responds with the same love, grace and redemption that he showed on the cross.
 I don't understand why or how human trafficking happens, but that's why God is God and I am not. That's why we all need the same grace.
If I ever think that I can't relate to someone, or just need a slice of humble pie, please remind me of God's grace and this post.
I need His grace. Daily. Just as much as the next person, even if that person in half-way across the world.

                                                    With Love,
                                                      Kaitlyn

Up

Grace and perfection and hypocrisy

Recently, I've been learning a lot about grace. I've realized it's something I'll never completely understand, but something I so desperately need. Here's why:

I lack humility. I work really freaking hard on everything I do. I'm a perfectionist to a fault. I like to be recognized for what I do and my achievements. Clearly, the exact opposite of humility. I'm really bad with judging people in my head. (That's actually really tough and pretty humbling to admit, but I'm working on it. The amount of times I've said "I'm working on it" on this block is gross. Give me some grace please.) Except I make mistakes and I have sins that I'm not proud of. Except I think my sins are more "acceptable". Except I was raised in a good family. Except I never got in trouble in school or gave my parents a hard time. Except I did what I was supposed to! Except I'm selfish. I'm stubborn. I get angry easily. I project it onto other people. I don't trust God the way I should. Sometimes I don't filter what I say, without thinking. I'm so incredibly impatient. Sometimes I'm bitter. I have road-rage. I'm hypocritical. I'm a perfectionist, I'm too hard on myself and get frustrated when I can't control things.

Except, Except, Except.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

The point of grace is that there isn't anyone that measures up. I can't be good enough. I can't earn grace. Some days, that's a pretty big pill to swallow. I like my facade of perfection. It's something I can hide behind. Even when my shortcomings seem decent or tolerable. I still need the same grace and forgiveness every second of every day.

According to Mounce's Expository Dictionary ( Is it weird that I own this? Probably, but I think it's awesome.) the word grace is equivalent to the Greek word Charis. Part of that definition is "Grace is a new domain in which and by which Christians live. In this realm sin no longer rules. By His grace, God affects Christians' personal lives, giving them the ability to obey the gospel from the heart, the ability to work hard and increase their joy in severe trials.

In my shortcomings and failures and weaknesses, God's grace is made perfect.

Do you know how much Joy that brings me?!

I'm still learning a lot about grace like I said before, and how much I so desperately need it. But I think everyone needs to hear this. God's grace is sufficient for you. ( I really want to put a "hashtag boom", but I'll restrain myself. Still if you haven't seen this video, you should.)

The url of this blog is "A standard of grace" we're a world of broken people who are never going to reach a standard of perfection. That's the beauty of the gospel though. We don't have to. His grace is sufficient for us.

What does this have to do with my upcoming trip to India?

I'm learning how so incredibly necessary grace is everyday. People across the world need to be freed from the shackles of reaching perfection to understand grace. Suffering and brokenness is universal and cross-cultural. The answer to that is still grace.  In the same way, I need to work on forgiving and extending grace to those around me because being in close proximity to the same fifteen people and through that much travel time, airports, trains, buses and not speaking the same language is going to require some grace and leeway for all of us.

I don't really have any answers, and this probably wasn't the most insightful post, but I think this trip will prove to have quite a few lessons, one of those being grace.


                                                   With Love,

                                                      Kaitlyn

Quotes, Grace and not doing it all

I always wanted to collect things when I was younger, but stamps and the like were never too appealing to me. So, I collected quotes. I have a really good memory so I usually have a good pop culture reference or quote from a book or movie. ( I actually had a bunch of literary quotes peppered in a dinner conversation last week but no one in my family got it. It was so disappointing.)

Throughout my journal I have tons of quotes from everything imaginable. I have a pinterest board of good quotes.  I probably change what my favorite quote is once a week, but this one has always stuck with me and rings true in all aspects of my life.


"It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.

The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Amen." - Archbishop Oscar Romero


It's a pretty wordy quote but it's such an incredible reminder. My favorite part is this:

"We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest."

So many times I try to do everything, and everything perfectly, but I fall short. I burn out. I don't have the ability or strength or handle all of these burdens, but that's where grace comes in. It's still something I'm learning and experiencing every day, but it is so liberating.

"From the end of the earth will I cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." - Psalm 61:2


                                               With Love,
                                                 Kaitlyn

Legally Blonde and random places of inspiration

If you don't like the movie Legally Blonde, we probably can't be friends.

Ok, that's probably an exaggeration, but you'll probably be annoyed by the fact that I quote that movie like nobody's business, randomly burst out in songs from the musical, and watch a specific scene from that movie for study motivation for all midterms and finals every semester.

Why is it so great you ask?
 1. It's really entertaining. There are some quality quotes in that movie. (Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, you know you love this movie too.)
2. It's inspirational. Think this is a stretch? Think again. It's defying stereotypes and gives you a character you want to root for.
3. The good girl wins in the end by going after what she wants, working hard, and doing it the right way. In the end, yes, she gets the right guy, but that wasn't the point of the movie.
4. Reese Witherspoon is wonderful. Enough said.

One scene in particular, besides the scene that helps me study for exams, is my favorite. It's from Legally Blonde 2, but it is the 21st century, blonde version of this verse:

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute^. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." - Proverbs 31:8-9

See for yourself:

 

 Ok, so it's not necessarily the most biblical, but you have to admit the Elle makes a pretty good point.

If you read my last post, you know my experiences and how the lord really put the poor and oppressed on my hear.  I left for college with this burden in my heart, but I didn't know what to do about it. How could I reconcile this verse with my everyday life?

God answers prayers so much though when you start seeking Him, rather than his blessings or plans.

Within a month into school, I learned about an internship with an incredible local non-profit called FIGHT. It was an anti-human trafficking non-profit, and like I said, the two burdens God laid on my heart were human trafficking and clean water and water access.

Coincidence? I think not.

So I applied, I prayed, and I waited, patiently. Not something I'm good at. However, I knew that God fulfilled his promises when I committed my plans to him and would deliver.

In November, I heard back and learned I got the internship for the following spring semester.

It was one of the biggest blessings I have received to date. I learned so much. I was mentored and my heart was completely broken for victims of trafficking and their traffickers.

27 million. That is an overwhelming number. That's how many people are in slavery throughout the world right now. This number is really discouraging. I would lie awake at night crying for these people and thinking how impossible it would be to ever end human trafficking.

Then, He gently reminded me that I am not God. He sees what's happening and it breaks his heart. The incredible thing is that he invites us to do something about it. To speak up! (Again, my life could only be so perfectly woven together by the creator of the universe, because this is where my education and major come in again.)
Through all the statistics and information I learned what a biblical response to injustice looks like. It was life changing. It's not based on emotions and hype, but it's doing something.

With all that's happened in the past year, I know that the Lord is calling me to India during this time to speak up against injustice and indifference. 

Day by day I'm learning what that looks like and it makes me so unbelievably happy. (And if I'm being honest, pretty relieved.)

I just realized it took me like four really long blog posts to explain all of this. But it also really helped me process everything. So if you're still reading, thanks.

                                                       With Love,

                                                         Kaitlyn

P. S. If you were inspired by this I so encourage you to do something about something you're passionate about. Don't be indifferent.

Wordless Wednesday

This is really "minimal words with pictures Wednesday" but that title doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
So I guess this is that fortune cookie in image form, or they just weren't very creative when coming up with good fortunes. Regardless, the anti-comfort-zone sentiments of the summer still stand.

Beautiful Feet

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?  And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” - Romans 10:14-15


<sup>For the record, I hate feet. Really I hate people touching me period, but if someone touches me with his or her feet, I'm not responsible for my reaction.
Because of that, I always found this scripture kind of strange, but its a scripture that's been on my heart since December. (funny how God works.)


Beautiful and feet. Definitely not two words that I ever put together. To me, feet are dirty and gross. Besides nail polish, there's nothing beautiful about feet. However, in Hebrew, the word beautiful can be translated to towb which means:</sup>

a) welfare, prosperity, happiness

b) good things (collective)

c) good, benefit

d) moral good

^{So our calling has nothing to do with beauty. It has nothing to do with feet and the fact that I hate them. It has everything to do with love. Love. Love. Love. The very reason I feel called to study half way across the word in a place filled with beauty, filth, poverty, colors, stories, and amazing people.}"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation." - Isaiah 52:7


"Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go." - Mother Teresa


                                               With Love,
                                                 Kaitlyn  

People touching my hair and other things I hate...

I am not someone who likes being touched. It's probably really weird but it makes me really paranoid and I start thinking about germs any time someone touches me, especially my hands, face and hair. (Why you would think it's appropriate to just grab someone's face, I have no idea. Clearly, if that's normal for you, you have some things to work out.) Unless someone does it on purpose because they know how much it irks me, I won't say anything, but on the inside I'm probably seething.

Other things I hate: (besides what was mentioned above)

1. Getting death threats.
2. Being stuck in mobs.
3. Accidentally causing mobs.
4.  Not speaking the same language as the mob surrounding you.
5. Crying in public.

What do any of those things have to do with each other, you ask? Because all of them happened to me within a period of two hours last summer in the Dominican Republic.

Why am I writing this? Because it was the exactly moment when I tangibly saw that indifference is not an option.

Ever since I was little, I've had a heart for people. Vulnerable, hurt, broken people. Maybe it was because somewhere deep inside, I understood. It just took me 18 years to realize it. You know those commercials for Feed The Children that make you feel really terrible if you change the channel? I was their perfect audience, because I would always try to convince my parents that we needed to adopt the entire continent of Africa. (Side note, obviously, I realized that couldn't happen, but it's the reason we have our really awesome sponsored child from El Salvador, Sandra. Check out Compassion International) This was definitely instilled early on in my life by my incredible parents who always taught us and demonstrated  the importance of missions, serving, and tithing. However, I think there is something intrinsically wired in us to respond with compassion and love when we see injustice because we were created in the image of God.

From then on, I would learn about causes and organizations that would tug at my heart. I would research and support them and raise awareness as much as possible. (Clearly, PR was a good choice.)

Forward to the summer after my senior year. I was on a mission trip to Belleglade Florida, one of my favorite places in the world that will always have a special place in my heart. There, I learned from a dear friend about Word Made Flesh and her time with them in Thailand, and her experiences with trafficking victims. I'm pretty sure I annoyed her by asking her for more stories almost every day during that trip. (If you're reading this, sorry Bekah!) But I couldn't get enough, and I had a heart for southeast Asia even though I had never been there before.  (Cue hint #1 on India and my future calling.)

Forward a month later and I found myself on another trip to the Dominican Republic. Quite possibly, a series of the most life changing moments of my life. Will took us to a tiny slum called Guatchupita, where he first worked the year before while on the World Race.
I had never seen such alarming poverty.
The houses looked like they would fall over with a gust of wind. The river around the slum was an unhealthy brown. The stench was nearly unbearable. Everywhere was covered in trash piles four feet high, full of broken glass, feces and anything else that could be thrown out. For a germaphobe like me, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
All of the sudden as we got further into the slum, children started gathering around us. Mostly, because we were gringos.
They just wanted to be loved. They would grab our hands (Things I hate), they would follow us everywhere.
Then they started going for the hair. (Clearly, traveling to places where blonde hair is both attractive and uncommon is a theme for me.)
One, having a bunch of little kids pull your hair is really freaking painful. Two, I was about to freak out from this. Truly, I was going to have a full on panic attack.
Guess what. By the grace of God, I didn't. Somehow, He gave me patience and calm about the situation. He got me out of my comfort zone. (This doesn't seem like a huge deal, but it was for me.)

This was because He needed to open my eyes to something so much bigger than myself and my comfort zone.

As we were walking, I noticed the little girl clinging to me wasn't wearing shoes. Alarmed by the fact the ground was covered in glass and other disgusting dangerous, I did what seemed rational. I picked her up.  (Mind you, she was about nine years old and didn't know what I was doing since I couldn't communicate in Spanish. Typical events in my life.) Then I looked around and realized none of the thirty kids following us were wearing shoes.

By the time we left, I was seething with anger. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, I was so mad. I was silent the entire forty-five minute walk home and most of the day. I was angry that the people I was with were making excuses, saying that's just their life. I was mad at the Dominican government for letting their own people go without clean water or sanitation because they were on the margins of society. I was angry with God for letting this happen.

Then, I realized something. I could go home and forget I saw this. I could just be indifferent to it.

But that's not what I'm called to.

A few days later, we went back with supplies, crafts and equipment to have a mini VBS for the kids there. This time, we came with translators too.

However, this was really bad planning.
Somehow, all of the girls got separated with only one translator and only a few of the guys. Not good.
Seeing a bunch of gringos, this time with "gifts" kids came from all over the place surrounding us. This time, they came with their parents too. Really not good.

In a matter of minutes, we accidentally caused a rowdy and violent mob, with no way to communicate.

We were being pushed and shoved. Women were attacking each other for a simple tooth brush, grabbing children, hitting each other and the children. Then weapons started coming out. (By weapons I mean sticks and a tv antenna. But still, it was alarming.)
The police in the area just stood there (with giant guns that scared the crap out of me, mind you) and watched.

Suddenly, I found myself surrounded with our translator, Frank, and no way out.

It looked a little like this:

All I heard was Spanish, so I had no idea what was being said until Frank told me they were threatening to kill us.

Umm...WHAT?! That's probably something you never want to hear, and this was definitely not the way I was planning on going.

Then I felt the tears coming and there was no way I could stop them. In a matter of seconds my face went from fearing-for-my-life panic to sobbing tears. (Poor Frank was so overwhelmed trying to calm down the crowd and me, looking back on it, I should have apologized.)

I wasn't crying because I was overwhelmed and scared, even though I definitely should have been. I was hyperventilating, and sobbing to the point of nearly puking because I saw the desperation and pain of not having enough. I saw such overwhelming need. I saw how selfish I had been. I saw what God sees and his overwhelming love for his children. I saw the face of God on every single person, even in the angry mob.
It was scary, beautiful, saddening, angering, heart-breaking, and incredible all at the same time.
That was the moment I knew God was telling me indifference could never be an option.

Two minutes later, thank God, Elliott was able to break through the crowd and literally pick me up over them. Then we all ran for our lives, with the crowd chasing us. (looking back it was probably really funny looking, but at the time it was absolutely terrifying.)

This incident will stay with me forever. Because in that desperation, I saw God. I audibly heard His voice through the shouting of Spanish and cries and screams.
And I couldn't say no to it.
It's funny how He works, because in retelling this story, I realized how absolutely ridiculous and crazy and slightly humorous it is. That's just life though, and the fact that God has a sense of humor.

I left the DR completely changed with that etched in the front of my mind and the depths of my soul. I started college with those thoughts of suffering and the knowledge that I had to do something, but I didn't know how to respond.

I learned though, quickly, because God is in the business of answering prayers when we're willing to humble ourselves for him.


“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter —when you see the naked, to clothe them and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?  Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58: 6-9



                                   With Love,
                                     Kaitlyn

Expectations

I don't know whether I should have expectations or not for this trip, because I don't like when things don't go the way I expect or want, and I don't like to set myself up for disappointment.
However, I think there are some things I need to prepare myself for, or that I naturally just expect. (And because my type-A personality needs to make lists to keep myself sane)

So, here is my list of "Things that I'm expecting when I shouldn't be expecting." (That's probably not the best title....actually it can be really misconstrued...but I explained my reasoning above.)

1.  To learn A LOT. (I feel like that was a cop-out answer, but still, I feel like I should be expecting that and be willing.)
2. To get out of my comfort zone. This is in a lot of different aspects, but it's definitely something I'll have to keep in mind everyday. Besides, it's been said that the magic really happens when you stop being comfortable. So there's some motivation for you. (To be honest, I'm pretty positive I saw that on a Panda Express fortune cookie when Charis, Kari and I were having one of our weekly dinners. Oh well, sometimes fortune cookies speak the truth. At least they're entertaining.
3. Along with that, to be prepared to be uncomfortable. Physically and well as mentally. It's going to be hot, humid, I'm going to have to wear different clothes and be in a completely different culture and it's going to be hard to communicate in a place that doesn't speak English. I'm excited though, and I think expecting a few cultural mishaps and for things to just be different, will make the transition a little easier.
4.  To be stared at. All the time. I feel like on every trip I go on, I get that advice. Especially if it's a place where blonde hair and green eyes are uncommon; i.e. India. Duh. That sounds kind of creepy and stalker-ish but nevertheless, it's just something I'll get used to there.
5. Since we'll be studying NGOs and development, and just the nature of being in a developing nation, to see extreme poverty. This is something I don't think I could ever be prepared for. From my experiences in poverty-stricken areas, it pulls at the deepest parts of my heart and it physically hurts in the core of my soul to see another person in such need and desperation.
6. I guess it goes along with being out of my comfort zone but, I'm expecting to be stretched in my standard ways in routines. If I'm being honest, I can be pretty set in my ways, which can be pretty prissy. I like to have things go my way, like I planned, and I've been known to have a few hissy fits and diva moments. (That's pretty embarrassing to admit, but after nearly twenty years of them, I really should get over it.) I'm really picky about my food, the type of restaurants I like, and need my daily scheduled routine.  I paint my nails on at least a weekly basis, (because if I didn't, they would be reduced to stubs.) and my morning routine is to consult my extensive Pinterest boards before I pick an outfit. My hair is always somehow unhealthily processed and overheated on a nearly daily basis, and I almost never leave the house without make up on. It's not that I feel it's so necessary to look put together or my identity is completely based on my appearance, but it's just something that has been ingrained into my daily routine since middle school. (Although it is something I do enjoy. I am unarguably a pink and frills and manicures and curls and heels type of girl.) Based on that reasoning alone, it sounds like I should be petrified of going to India. However, this is one of the reasons I'm really, really, really, excited. I'm looking forward to being stretched in this way. I look forward to being pulled out of my routine and scheduled mindset and to have a chance to truly observe and take in every aspect of every day. To get to just experience life in India. To not be constantly checking my phone or twitter or facebook or email or browsing pinterest every time I decide I lose interest. To not be so preoccupied with what needs to be done or rushing through life that I miss the excitement and magic and beauty that I'm looking for.
7. Finally, to have some serious jetlag. I think this goes with the territory of traveling across the world, and it is over 28 hours worth of planes and waiting in airports. So, I think it's a safe bet to expect that and just deal with it.

That's only seven things, and a lot of them are pretty repetitive,  but like I said, I don't want to expect. I don't want to plan or make lists or schedule things. Here's not not expecting anything. I might not be completely good at that yet or completely ready to let my set-in-my-ways tendencies go yet, but I promise, I'm working on it. ;)

                                        With Love,
                                          Kaitlyn